Selina Norris Gray: What is She Known For?
Selina Norris Gray was born in 1823 on the plantation of George Washington Parke Custis—on the grounds of, what is today, Arlington National Cemetery. In 1778 John Parke Custis, the son of Martha Washington and her first husband, purchased 1,100 acres of land on the top of hills that overlooked, what is now, Washington, D.C.
Martha Washington was, of course, married to George Washington from 1759 until his death in 1799. They had no children, but Martha’s children, from her first marriage, were wholly accepted by George Washington and he treated them as his own.
When Martha’s son John died, part of his estate went to his son, George Washington Parke Custis. Custis grew up at Mount Vernon, where George and Martha Washington lived. As George Washington’s step-grandson, he felt a close association with Washington and viewed him as a hero. Three years after George Washington died, and in the same year that Martha Washington died, Custis decided to build upon the land his father left him.
He wanted to build a place that was a testament to what he believed George Washington was. He took furniture, china, family heirlooms and portraits, etc…to the new location and, of course, he used many of the enslaved people he inherited to build this new estate. In 1804, he married Mary Lee Fitzhugh; they had several children, but only one of them survived into adulthood, Mary Anna Randolph Custis. She was, thus, the direct great-granddaughter of Martha Washinton.
In 1831, Mary Anna married Robert E. Lee (the man who would become the leader of the Confederate army during the Civil War).
This was the environment that Selina Norris Gray was born into—she was enslaved by some of the richest and/or most well-known families in the state of Virginia and in the United States.
Her father and mother were Leonard and Sallie Norris. She had no right to own herself or to determine for herself where she would live, how she would raise her children or even what course she would take in life. Despite these challenges, she was, by all accounts, a remarkable woman.
She was able to raise eight children who had respect and dignity for themselves and who ended up being leaders in the African-American communities in which they lived, after the Civil War.
Selina was forced to be a servant for Mary Anna, Robert E. Lee’s wife and Martha Washington’s great-granddaughter. She eventually married Thornton Gray (who was also enslaved by The Custises and was forced to take care of the horses and carriages).
Selina and Thorton had eight children: Emma, Annice, Florence, Sarah, Ada, Selina, John and Harry.
Selina had other family members on this plantation too, such as her brother, Wesley Norris, her sister Mary Norris and her cousin George Parks.
In 1857, George Washington Parke Custis died and Robert E. Lee became the executor of his will. While he was by no means a kind person (he fathered several children with enslaved women), he made provisions in his will that the people he owned should be set free, taking into account the debts he owed, within five years of his death.
Many enslaved members of the estate recalled that he made promises to free them upon his death, without any waiting period.
So when Selina’s brother and sister, Wesley and Mary, and her cousin, George Parks, decided to leave Arlington House, it was under the belief that they were free, or should’ve been free upon Custis’ death.
They waited one year and five months and made their escape in 1859. They made it all the way to Westminster, Maryland on their way to Pennsylvania and the specifics of what happened were given by Wesley Norris, Selina’s brother, in the following account:
“My name is Wesley Norris; I was born a slave on the plantation of George Parke Custis; after the death of Mr. Custis, Gen. Lee, who had been made executor of the estate, assumed control of the slaves, in number about seventy; it was the general impression among the slaves of Mr. Custis that on his death the should be forever free; in fact this statement had been made to the slaves by Mr. C. years before; at the death we were informed by Gen. Lee that by the condition of the will we must remain slaves for five years; I remained with Gen. Lee for about seventeen months, when my sister Mary, a cousin of ours, and I determine to run away, which we did in the year 1859; we had already reached Westminster, in Maryland, on our way to the North, when we were apprehended and thrown into prison, and Gen. Lee notified of our arrest; we remained in prison fifteen days, when we were sent back to Arlington; we were immediately taken before Gen. Lee, who demanded the reason why we ran away; we frankly told him that we considered ourselves free; he then told us he would teach us a lesson we never would forget; he then ordered us to the barn; where, in his presence, we were tied firmly to posts by Mr. Gwin, our overseer, who was ordered by Gen. Lee to strip us to the waist and give us fifty lashes each, excepting my sister, who received but twenty; we were accordingly stripped to the skin by the overseer, who, however, had sufficient humanity to decline whipping us; accordingly Dick Williams, a county constable, was called in, who gave us the number of lashes ordered; Gen. Lee, in the meantime, stood by and frequently enjoined Williams to ‘lay it on well,’ an injunction which he did not fail to heed; not satisfied with simply lacerating our naked flesh, Gen. Lee then ordered the overseer to thoroughly wash our backs with brine (salt water), which was done. After this my cousin and myself were sent to Hanover Court-House jail, my sister being sent to Richmond to an agent to be hired; we remained in jail about a week, when we were sent to Nelson county, where we were hired out by Gen. Lee’s agent to work on the Orange and Alexander railroad; we remained thus employed for about seven months, and were then sent to Alabama, and put to work on what is known as the Northeastern railroad; in January, 1863, we were sent to Richmond, from which place I finally made my escape through the rebel lines to freedom; I have nothing further to say; what I have stated is true in every particular, and I can at any time bring at least a dozen witnesses, both white and black, to substantiate my statements; I am at present employed by the Government, and am at work in the National Cemetery on Arlington Heights, where I can be found by those who desire further particulars; my sister referred to is at present employed by the French Minister at Washington, and will confirm my statement.” - Wesley Norris’ account as it appeared in the National Anti-Slavery Standard in 1866
Wesley Norris, his sister Mary and cousin George were beaten savagely under the direction of Robert E. Lee, while he was a U.S. military officer. They were then forced to work for other people and businesses, such as railroads, to help pay off the debt that was owed by the estate that Robert E. Lee was executor of and to help build up other businesses—such as the railroads that we have mentioned. This was an example of how Black people were building the wealth of other people, while not a single dime was going into their pockets.
Back to the 1850s and 60s...
In the meantime, Selina Gray was still at Arlington House being a personal servant to Robert E. Lee’s wife, Mary Anna.
In April of 1861 Confederate troops fired on Fort Sumter in South Carolina. Later that same month, from his home in Arlington, Robert E. Lee rejected Abraham Lincoln’s offer to lead the U.S. Army and, three days later, he was appointed commander in chief of Virginia’s military.
Within weeks the U.S. Army would take over Arlington House. On May 16, 1861, Mary Anna fled from Arlington House taking what she could of her family’s heirlooms, including historic items that belonged to George and Martha Washington. She called Selina Norris Gray over and gave her keys to estate, including the keys to areas where they kept additional artifacts from George Washington that could not be taken with her.
Shortly thereafter, on May 24, 1861, the Union Army did take over Arlington House and made it a headquarters for some of its operations. As the months went on, Selina and Thorton and their children remained at Arlington House.
They cut a hole in the wall of the small room that and their children had to live in. The children were staying in the loft, or attic, of the room where Selina and Thornton lived. The children’s area was not high enough for them to stand up and all eight of the children slept there. So, Thorton cut through the wall where they were staying and expanded the living area.
As the Union soldiers occupied the plantation, Selina noticed that some of the articles that belonged to family, and to George Washington, were missing. She complained directly to General McDowell and gave him the keys to the storeroom. That way the artifacts were saved and eventually moved to the U.S. Patent Office—away from further damage or theft.
Selina Gray is most remembered for this action, because the artifacts were under her care for six months and her direct complaints led to them being saved. She was a role model and a protector of her family. She and her husband left a legacy of survival and dignity that lasted for generations to come.
They stayed at Arlington House and eventually became a part of Freedman’s Village, after the U.S. Government forced them to leave the small area, on the plantation, in which they were living.
Thornton Gray eventually rented a plot of land in what is called Green Valley in northern Virginia, just outside of Washington, D.C. They also rented a stand in Washington, D.C., at 7th Street and Louisiana Avenue, N.W., where they sold the food they produced from their farm.
Thornton and Selina’s youngest child, Harry, later developed his skills as a mason and worked at the Department of Interior’s Patent Office for almost forty years. He bought land in Arlington in October of 1880 and began to build a style of home that was not seen in that part of Arlington, he built a Victorian-era Queen Anne and Italianate-style row house in Arlington that was more like the architecture seen in cities and not the type of architecture seen in the rural areas of Arlington.
His daughter, Martha Gray Gillem, said of him:
“Yes, papa worked and bought a ten-acre [sic] farm, then over the years almost brick by brick he built the two-story brick house, at that time the only one for miles around. He always wanted a brick house. Since he built it like the city row house in Washington, there are no windows on the sides and the house is narrow and tall. But it was a brick house for his family.”
All four of his children finished high school and, given that this was the end of the 1800s and early 1900s, that was a remarkable thing to achieve for a Black family or any family in America, at that time.
Selina and Thornton Gray’s most impressive feats are not what they did for Robert E. Lee and George Washinton’s legacy, but what they did for their own family and their grandchildren.
References and further reading:
Arlington House, Robert E. Lee’s Office: A Consequential Decision. Arlington National Cemetery. March 28, 2023.
Arlington National Cemetery, Arlington House, The Robert E. Lee Memorial. Visited march 2023.
Freedman’s Village, Arlington National Cemetery, accessed online, March 2023. https://arlingtoncemetery.mil (Explore: History of Arlington National Cemetery, Freedman’s Village).
“An Unpleasant Legacy,” Arlington House, the Robert E. Lee Memorial, National Park Service. Accessed online, March 2023.
https://www.nps.gov/arho/learn/historyculture/an-unpleasant-legacy.htm
Harry W. Gray House, National Register of Historic Places, Registration Form, United State Department of the Interior, National Park Service. (1005 S. Quinn St.),December 23, 2003
Selina Gray, Arlington House, The Robert E. Lee Memorial, National Park Service, accessed online March 2023, https://www.nps.gov/arho/learn/historyculture/gray.htm
Images:
NPS Image, Civil War era stereogram believed to be enslaved housekeeper Selina Gray and two of her daughters.
NPS Image, Leonard Norris, one of the enslaved people who lived at Arlington House.
Danita Smith, Red and Black Ink, LLC, images from Arlington House, The Robert E. Lee Memorial taken March 28, 2023.
Portrait of Gen. Robert E. Lee, officer of the Confederate Army, March 1864, Library of Congress.